My intention when I first thought about blogging was as a way of maybe recording my medical journey once I decided on having a thyroidectomy. I also hoped to record my personal journey in the hope it may offer support, encouragement to others in a similar situation or just to let them know they are not alone.
However I struggled to achieve that goal, it was all to raw. I was struggling so much with my emotions I couldn’t find the courage to publish my thoughts, my ramblings. I also didn’t (and still don’t) want peoples pity. People have been so supportive of me and I wouldn’t be where I am without the amazing support I have received and will be forever grateful for. But when you publish your emotions there is a risk of pity, that I wouldn’t know how to deal with.
However during the journey, I kept a very rough random diary. On the big days or the days I couldn’t sleep or the days the emotions were too big I wrote notes. I finally found the courage the other day to read these notes, almost a year to days of starting them! The emotions overwhelmed me, it took me back, the last 12 months disappeared and I was there feeling it all again! Then I let my mind travel forward again and had the re-realisation of the journey I have taken! And even I thought WOW look how far I have come. It re-ignited me, made me reassess all that I have been and all I am. And this gave me the courage to attempt blogging again.
But how to do it, I want people to know they are not alone, that the journey is up and down, it’s not easy and the mix of emotions is huge. So I made a decisions – just be brave, publish the ramblings. So here they are, my random thoughts from this exact week this time last year:
16th May 2012
4 weeks to go!!
So now the operation date has arrived I’ve had the time to reflect, and oh my did that hit me hard!
It made me realise what a journey this has been! I now find myself excited to have something that I fought 2 and half years not to have!
All that determination brought me to the road I did not wish to travel but perhaps that just means its the road I need to be on.
We’ve been through so much, and I say we as it’s not just me. Those closest to me have been unlucky enough to have been dragged along for the ride too.
And though at one point I didn’t want this operation-now I can’t wait. It’s the only way to move forward and I need to see what happens next, I need to turn the page to next chapter.
18th May 2012
Really want to run a million miles away, but where am I gonna run? There is no escaping or hiding from this – it’s my own body doing it to me.
19th May 2012
Just suddenly hit me as I lay in bed alone staring at the ceiling that in a few weeks everything will be different!
Then I realised it won’t all be different, everything external will still be the same but i’ll be laying here and I will be different.
I will still be me but yet I will have changed. A piece of me will be missing and the structure of my body will have changed forever. Does make me wonder how it will end up changing me though!
I know -weird what goes through your head when dealing with the big stuff eh?
Thank you for reading I hope you enjoyed and would love to hear your stories or feedback too.
Hopefully I will find the courage to publish the next lot of ramblings very soon.
gingersiren's Blog 
You are an extremely brave and courageous women. Who I admire (not pity). I have my own issues but your struggles give me a positive train of thought, if you can go through this and come out if it so positive and strong then so can I xx
Thank you my lovely. If i can support or inspire people in anyway it always makes me happy, makes me feel complete 🙂
And It’s the support and inspiration around me that keeps me going, you may not realise it but the bravery you have told me about from yourself continues to inspire me too.
Here’s to making the most of all it throws at us xx